Why the Primary Elections Don’t Matter

You may have heard that there were some elections this week – primaries in several ‘key’ races across the country.  The results of these elections are being interpreted and analyzed to see if they can portend doom for the Democrats in November, or if they mean nothing and the Democrats still have the same advantage we thought they had before.

After doing the research for you (you’re welcome, by the way), I’ve determined that not a whole lot has changed.  Trump and the Republicans are in a bit more favorable position than the were, say, a year ago, but overall and on average, Democrats still hold a significant advantage.  Is that advantage big enough to allow them to win the 24 seats they need to reclaim a majority in the House?  What about the Senate, where they are contesting 10 seats in states that Trump won?  No one knows.  And if anyone tells you they know, they are full of shit.  For all we know, Trump and Kim Jung-un could declare war on South Korea, or Japan, or any other country that Rocket Man and Orange Dildo Face come up with.  Israel, Syria and Iran could upgrade their ménage à trois of missile-firing from ‘just the tip’ to ‘the entire world is fucked’.

I’m done trying to predict political outcomes in America.

What I’m not done doing, however, is thinking about what happened to the Democrats and why they frustrate the hell out of me every time I see them on TV or read something they did on Twitter.  I posited a few theories before – that Jon Stewart going off-air failed to rally the Bernie Bros to Hillary, or that the lack of a young leader after Obama left office has left the party in the hands of career politicians who still act like its 1995.

The democrats chose to stick their flag in the identity politics hill and die there.  You know how when racist people are trying not to be racist and they say stuff like, ‘I don’t care if you’re black or white or red or yellow or green…’?  The democrats took that and thought to themselves, ‘You know what?  We should be the party of the black, white, red, yellow, green.  And also the brown and the LGBTQ, and the smart, and the dumb, and the working class, and the rich class, and the poor, and the Christians, and the Jews, and the Muslims.’ (Shout to Obama for calling out the non-believers, too).

And while sure on the very thinnest of surfaces, that sounds great.  Let’s represent everyone!  The problem is that they are then scared to defend anything, or stand for anything, because some poll somewhere told them that women with more than 12 kids who also own 3 houses would get offended, so instead they just dance around issues and don’t actually want anything.

This is why so many people latched onto Bernie Sanders – he actually offered policies that made sense.  Health care for all.  Free college.  He didn’t give two fucks about what group he might piss off, or if his ideas were considered ‘too extreme.’  He had his beliefs and he stuck to them.

The Democratic Party, as a whole, does not.  They come up with policies like, ‘affordable education for all’, and ‘end mass incarceration’.  Why not Free College and Legal Weed?  You know what Republicans stand for?  Guns, God, and Tax Cuts.  Democrats need a Ted Talk to explain what the hell it is they support.

Watch this 45 second clip of Rep. Duncan Hunter on Real Time with Bill Maher (I’ll wait).

Bill and Killer Mike are exactly right.  You’ll never see a Democrat answer questions like this.  They are too scared.  They would come up with some 2 minute long answer about why we need more congressional oversight into sound proof phone booths.  And everyone would forget the question.

The Democrats might win a bunch of seats in November.  They might even win enough to take control of the House and Senate.  They also might not.  But I don’t think it really matters until they find someone in the party who can finally teach them to quit giving a fuck about pissing people off, and start giving a fuck about Free College and Legal Weed.

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